A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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