Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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