Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
