I showed him my bush... on skype.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
