he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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