In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
