she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
