Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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