found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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