I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
