My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we should paint friendship bongs
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