Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
