i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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