the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
