How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
