You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
