finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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