I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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