I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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