his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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