don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the day after is always just damage control
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
