there's paper in my vomit.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
