It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
