Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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