Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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