There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
