Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
