So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
