Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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