you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
