There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
