i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come share oat with me in your robe
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
