Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
