I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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