dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
