Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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