If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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