At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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