I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
