Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
