I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I look better un-naked...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
