Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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