You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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