Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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