i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
