If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
