Please, let me fuck your mom
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
