On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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