She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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