I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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