i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
