I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
