I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
