If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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