I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
